My husband and I started our tenth year of marriage together yesterday. That’s a pretty big deal now days. We were so young and so in love. We really knew nothing about marriage or life, or at least I didn’t. One morning as I was putting on my make up, I begin to think about our marriage and our younger years. I thought about what I would say to young newlyweds. So I figured I’d be make a blog post out of it and share my thoughts.
Don’t assume he knows what you’re feeling. Tell him what’s going on in your heart and mind. If you keep it bottled inside, you will eventually explode. If you just assume that he knows you’re hurting or mad, then you’re probably going to end up more hurt or mad. He’s not God. He cannot read your mind. He thinks so different from you and that’s how God made the two of you, to compliment one another. So when he ticks you off, let him know without lashing out at him. When he’s hurt you deeply, let him know how hurt you feel. He doesn’t want to hurt you, but he needs to know he has, so he doesn’t do it again.
We often hear that prayer is vital in a believer’s life and it definitely is. It’s very important when dealing with others too. Don’t nag. Don’t belittle. Just don’t do it. If you see a character flaw in that man of yours, pray for him. Pray for the Holy Spirit to reveal the flaw to your husband and then ask what flaws you need to see in yourself. Pointing out the flaw or flaws won’t do any good most of the time. Would it for you? We’re all stubborn and prideful at times, especially when we’re being spoken to about our character. You’re just as flawed as him, just in different ways. So pray that the Father would open both your eyes to areas that need pruning and uprooted so there can be growth. Be a woman who doesn’t gossip about her husband’s issues to others, instead praise him in the areas where he’s strong and pray for the areas where he is weak.
When two people, whether they’re blood related or not, begin to live together, something happens. Life happens. You will begin to see all the quirks you never saw before and so will he. Be patient with your husband. Try not to let those quirks or habits (as long as they’re not damaging to anyone) rub you the wrong way and see him in a different light. He’s human and so are you! Remember that you too have quirks that might drive him bonkers, so be gracious to him. Learn to grow with him and not apart from him. Let those quirks and total opposite behaviors bring you together, not push you apart. You’re both uniquely made and can balance one another out if you will learn too. If you know of something that does bug your man, try to not do it. Do unto him as you would want him to do unto you. It starts with one person surrendering to the will of the other. Out serve one another and you will see much growth and withstand many tests.
Do not let the sun go down on your wrath. Do not go to bed without saying I love you to your husband. It doesn’t matter how mad you are with him. Try to reflect on your behavior and actions during the argument or disagreement. Remember that you need forgiveness too. When you don’t think you can forgive, pray the Holy Spirit would empower you to forgive and do not hold it against your man. Do not bring up past sins that have been forgiven. Don’t use that as ammo against your husband. He is on your team and if you don’t think so, then there needs to be some heart to heart talks and much prayer. Seek counseling if you must, but don’t hold in the hurt. We all need forgiveness and we all will mess up, just remember that when Satan whispers that he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven.
I’m definitely not a veteran wife, but I have learned lessons in our 9 years of marriage. Some I learned the hard way and some I learned a more easy way. Remember to be an example of a wife that you want your children to model and choose. They’re watching your every move. They will mimic what they see in your marriage. These are only a few and not a drop in the bucket to women who have been married much longer. I hope they do encourage someone. Strive to be one with your man and never fight against him.
Father, we thank You for marriage. Thank You for the unity between man and woman that you have blessed. Help us to not only pray for our husbands, but to pray for ourselves. May we see our flaws and desire to change to Your likeness. Help us to never forget You are with us and You will fight with us. Help us to be the example to our children and others that You desire. Help us to forgive and love as You Father. In Jesus’ name, Amen.