After I finished chapter six and started chapter seven of One Thousand Gifts, I was thinking of me and my life. Wondering what makes me tick the way I do and comparing it to how the Father wants me to be. I am still trying to take in all the wisdom that Ann shares and really grasp what she writes then apply it to my life. It’s been a journey for sure and I wanted to share some of it today.
I seem to get discouraged easy. One thing goes wrong and it’s just terrible. We all know life is full of messes. Life is exciting, challenging, joyous, and trying. It rarely leaves you bored, but it can leave you feeling frustrated or drained. I have been wondering why does it seem like the world is falling apart when one things goes how I didn’t think it should?
In thinking and praying, I realized that I don’t want to come down from the mount, per say.
I want to stay in those good moments.
I want to sit at His feet and just learn and worship.
I want life to be awesome and go smoothly.
Then it hit me. That’s why I get so frustrated. I get angry at people for being people. I get angry at life for throwing me punches. Let’s face it, life isn’t throwing me anything, the Father is orchestrating it all. Who really wants to deal with heartache, trials, and challenges? None of us in all honesty. It pushes us beyond ourselves and makes us have to lean on something other than ourselves which can be uncomfortable.
I also have a hard time seeing God- His face and His glory, in the sinfulness of it all.
Myself. My husband. My children. Mankind.
I don’t want to leave…
Messes begin to happen and I get depressed or discouraged. I can’t deal with the ugliness of myself, my family, friends, the world. I don’t want to deal with it. I just want to hide in His shelter. I want that glory again, His glory. I want to feel Him, but I can’t. I get frustrated because I can’t see Him when my boys are fighting and being ugly or something breaks unexpectedly around the house. I don’t think He’s there because we’ve been taught it’s all fluffy clouds once we find the Savior and surrender to Him. So when tragedy (remember my post about what is tragedy?) strikes, we feel as if He is against us and we get frustrated. Things start going slightly off course and I wonder where is He?
Although I don’t want the mess that life sometimes brings, I am realizing that He is in the mess.
He allows the mess. So in that mess, we can find Him more and more. We can call upon Him in ways that draw us into a deeper relationship and a deeper love for our Father. It’s like marriage, or any relationship, the more you go through, the greater the bond, if you allow it. Some don’t allow the trials to strengthen a relationship, but they allow it to destroy it. That’s the last thing we want to do with our Father. We want to grow in our relationship and in our walk with Him.
So if you’re like me and you have a hard time finding Him in the mess of life. Remember, He is there. He is waiting for you. Life can’t be all fluffy clouds, or else we can’t have sweet victory. To know victory, we have to know defeat. It isn’t meant for us to stay at His feet. We have to go, to do, to learn, and to struggle, but He is there and He wants you to see Him in it all.
Father, You are so good. You love us more than we can imagine. You don’t have plans to harm us, but to prosper us. You are in the messes of life. You just want us to realize that. Oh that we would realize You are there and You want to help us through the messes. You want to teach us through the mess and chaos. May we see Your face in it all and may we seek to grow through the messes of life, big or small. Help us to struggle with the intent to grow. Thank You for all that You bring us through, because without You, we are nothing. In Jesus’ name, Amen.